I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
