i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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