i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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