atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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