I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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