Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
high people should be assigned attendants
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
