dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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