The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
