the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize