he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
