Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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