Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh god it's open bar.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
