Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
