it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
