About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
