My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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