the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
