It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
