the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
