Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
