You just made me feel so damn special
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He shit in the fireplace
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