mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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