You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize