Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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