do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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