You smell like a Billy Joel song
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
