I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
i out mim tonsoeep
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
