when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
