she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
