apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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