what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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