'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
