oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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