im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
