He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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