He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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