I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Randomize
