Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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