honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
