i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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