Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
