By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
