I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
