her vagine was all disorganized.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
