clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
