i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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