I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
