Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
