we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
