3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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