i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
