That's when you crack a 10am beer
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
