Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
