my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
