There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
her facebook's as public as her vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Come on in and take your pants off
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