Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
