Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
