i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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