VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
