hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
