first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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