That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
