omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
